The Fears

I am weird.

When I am afraid of something, means I want that thing. But when the thing I want invites me to come, I hold back. I reject. I feel like the invitation is not real, then I would be really upset. I know the reason, I know is just because of the fears I have.

I fear that I can never get the thing I want, I fear that I don't have the strength to chase for my goals. I fear that the people I love would not love me back. I fear that God would not help me out and show me directions. They are scary. Very scary.

Who can I ask help from? Do I trust the Lord? Or in other words, am I willing to let go all my fears and go to God and ask Him for help, that I know FOR SURE He will help?

We seldom have fear in those things that we are able to achieve. A man's basic sin is his choice to offer strength only in those situations where he knows things will go well. In this situation, man has no fear, but he fear to face challenges, face the difficultities.However, the fear is real, is our true selves. I read, and I talked to awesome people, I learnt that, yes, fear is not good, but it is good when you turn to God.

God invites us to ask Him for help when we have fears. He loves it when we gripped with doubts and fears that He can not help but turn out He shows us HOPE. That's why He is awesome, that is the way He shows He is God.

God calls us to stop hiding. Fear is the true, is the feeling that we truly feel. We are weak, but God helps us to become stronger in our fears. He is our helper.

I don't know how to hide my fears, but I try to give all my fears to God. I want to seek for wisdom from the Lord, I need Him to comfort me, to heal me. And, I am so ready to become a stronger woman.

Little surprises in life: open our hearts to the romancer

My sister from church received a special gift from her boyfriend this week. She got a mysterious phone call from Tomlee, a musical instrument store the other day. The person in the phone told my friend that they would send her " a package for you" on the next day.

Friend was shocked. First, she did not order anything from Tomlee. By the way, my sister plays piano, so she buys things from Tomlee often. Second, you don't get a package from Tomlee if that is just a piano book. So it must be something bigger than that, something that she did not know what that is but I think she figured out something.

Without doubt, the package was ordered by her boyfriend. And the next day at night, when she went back home with an exhausted soul after working at church for 9 hours, she saw a beautiful ukulele (a kind of hawaiian small guitar) laying on her desk.

She sent me a message to tell me about it and I was so happy for her. I wonder how bad I miss these little surprises in my life. When I am looking at this picture of the ukulele, it seems her boyfriend is telling my friend:

      " I'm glad you like it, my love."

Yes, she loves it. And I can tell how excited she is when I look at her face. It is romantic. A woman becomes beautiful when she knows she is loved. We are long for romance. These surprises warm melt our hearts and we know we are loved. You may tell yourself when you get a small surprising gift: there is someone who thinks of me when he/she buys this, and he/she wants me to smile when I see this.

Do you have moments like this? 

No more worries: God is what you need

I am worried about money again.

Friends who know me knew that I struggled with money a lot before I went to America. I did not get scholarship from school, I did not want to ask my family to help, so I worked very hard to make money, I saved money on food, transportation. I know that going to America for 6 months will be an extra expense to my family, that's why I want to do as much as I can to save up my own money to pay for the fee.

At the end, I saved up some and my parents paid for some, and I had enough to use. I had an awesome time on this exchange program in the States, I realized that no matter how worried I was, God will always look after me. I met good American friends and they offered me free rides so that I was able to save up money on transportation; I contacted my old friends to ask if they can offer me places to stay when I went to their cities and they always said "yes". I am so thankful. I don't need to worry. But I am also proud of myself that I worked hard to reach my goal, that was not fun, but it was a good experience. If you want something, you can't just sit there and ask for it.You may feel Pain and Frustration and Bitter before you can taste the sweetness.

Agree?

And this time, I have something want to do again and I know I have to do it all over again as what I mentioned earlier. Work again, save up money again, but I try not to worry. I know how I felt at that time, 8 months ago. I calculated the money I had in my account everyday even though I know it would be the same within a month, I was so nervous, I always cried because I was worried. I don't want that anymore. Even though I am not sure if that would happen, I will just keep doing it, and keep praying about it.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.
Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.
Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.
His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7)

3 months later: I am back to Hong Kong.

I've been back to Hong kong for more than one month. Fast pace, lights shine, this is Hong Kong, this is the city that where my family and friends are in. I am back.

Days are simple, sometimes boring. At the first week home, I felt like I was not productive at all, I spent the whole day at home tidied up my room, and washed clothes, and then, I did the same thing again on the next day. Day after day, I looked at pictures that I took in the States. I missed my friends, I miss the south, I miss PC (Presbyterian College, the school I went to in Clinton, SC), I even missed GDH (the cafeteria which provides bad food). How weird is that.

But days started to become busy, as I realize I had to go through that boring days, I met up with old friends, I went back to church, I stared to read, and future planning. Things can easily fill up your life if you try to look for things that you can do ahead. I felt like I am catching up the normal pace of this city, I did not stay at home that often, I had things to do. However, I know I am just too nervous about the life here.

This is unexpected. I thought I can adjust it pretty good and be willing to continue to live here. I was not worried about the future but now I am. So many thought in my mind, I can't stop worrying. In the past 6 months, I had awesome experiences in America, and I wish I could go back some day to work, or say, to live. I treasure those beautiful memories, and I want to create new memories. But at the same time, family and friends are here in Hong Kong, my parents don't want me to leave. Seems there are a lot of things for me to consider, and they will be big decisions.

Then I came to God. I asked, God, would You bring me back to States? Or You want me to stay here, to serve people here, to serve You here? I believe the power of prayers, I know if I ask, He must answer. There is one world, and we live in the same global village, you don't have to stay at one place forever, there must be somewhere far away belongs to you, which will be a way more suitable for you than the place that you are living in. Experiencing America in the past 6 months was a blessing, it was provide by God. Maybe one day, He will bring me back, and meet some old friends again, and we will create better memories.

You will never know. Just keep praying until something happen.