Trust issues

I think one problem of dating issues nowadays is both parties are afraid to show their true selves. This is one of the major reasons why marriages fail. You cannot marry someone if they have never seen the real you or if you are not sure that you have seen the real them. One sign that one or both of you are hiding your true self is if you have never had a disagreement or argument. Instead of confronting what you see as a problem, you are changing something about yourself that you may regret at a later time.

And yesterday, I realized there is something bigger apart from hiding your true self. It is TRUST.

Trust is a major issue when dating. You would like dating to be mutually exclusive, but because of past experiences, feelings of mistrust intrude upon the relationship. I kind of experienced that but I guess there is just something I need to deal with on my own. I am always afraid of losing someone/something, and I don't think I am good enough to keep them. That is why I am scared of my boyfriend would like someone else while dating me. Or, similar things like this.

However, God said: Soda, this is stupid. You have to stop thinking in this way because I will take care of this. Trust me.

I believe the way to overcome trust issues is to talk through any feelings of mistrust. Expain and explore. By talking through these issues, trust can be expanded and given to your partner.
I am willing to take the time to talk to my boyfriend about everything on my mind. I think the wider the variety of topics, the more I will understand whether the relationship is worth pursuing.

So, I am trying to let go everything, again, and again. This is really a life-long lesson in my life. God, I allow Your strength to come into me..

Blessedness

I love kids. I used to make a really funny joke (at least I think is funny, but just because of lauguage) about how much I want to have kids. I remember that night me and my friend were looking at pictures of his younger sister, and I suddenly said:

" Oh she is so cute. I want to get pregnant!"

My friend looked at me and said, " Soda, that is not right. You want to have kids, and you need to get married first!"

But I continued to emprasize that I want to get pregnant. But I wanted to express, I am so exctied about seeing myself having another life in my body, and that is such a blessing from God.

Luckily, before I can have my own kids, I spent time with lots of amazing super cute kids. I have been teaching the summer day camp at my church for 3 years, and I also met married couples' kids. I feel so alive being around with kids. Kids are pure, they tell their hearts; some kids cry all the time, they need love from others, and I learnt that human beings are vulnerable, it is okay to express our emotions; some kids always want to get your attention, and I know what this is human nature, everyone wants to get attention from others to show he/she is part of your life.
I just learnt so much from the kids.

      

I specailly love how kids just love Jesus without any doubts. They trust Him, and they pray with their whole hearts. That is pure love, and in the Bible, He said:

"Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”( Mattew 18:3)

When we grew up, we think we have more power and we are able to not trusting God to just in control of our lives, but the fact is we can't. We are sinnful and we need to continue to seek help from God. Spending time with the kids is such a blessing in my life, I love it. And I realized that I have to rely on God and trusting him without any doubt like a kid does.

I pray that God can continue to show me how amazing He is, and I believe that kids reflecting His grace. I am so blessed.