what is my FAITH?

Started from last Saturday, when people asked me" how are you doing?", I was able to say.

"I am doing good!"

Instead of saying "I am doing okay", I feel that I am doing good. I am.

I believe some many people had prayed for me and are still doing the same, which makes me really happy. The power of prayers and Holy Spirit pulled me out from the darkness, the sadness, the weakness, the hurts, the pain... I felt undesirable, I felt disappointed, I even felt God abandoned me. But 3 weeks later, today, I am feeling right and strong, ready to give up myself to God, and let Him lead me, fully.

There are something I still believe and have a strong feelings about, but I know I can't be God and get whatever I want. I confessed that sometime during the past few weeks, I was fooling myself that as long as I did something, I might able to change the situation. But the result is, I felt extremely helpless. I didn't know where I should go next to "be in control" because nothing seemed is really in control of my hands.

I said I should carry on, but I was not carrying on at all. I was not giving up everything to the Lord.

After prayers and prayers, reading God's words, reading books and journaling, I finally noticed that I was a fool. What am I holding back and not showing to God? What am I doing here but not stepping forward? What am I waiting for?

Am I waiting for a fake hope?
Or am I fearing to face to the fact?

Those thoughts are in my mind all the time and they are stopping me from moving forward. Satan is giving me a message that God is loving me less and letting me alone in a messed up situation. But, the victory belongs to the Lord- I am not beating down by the negative thoughts. Instead, I am ready to face to the difficulties and challenge myself to be a stronger woman.

I listened to a same sermon over and over again in the past few weeks. It delivered the message that God is in control of the storm. It is difficult to see God when we are in a bad situation, like when we lose a job, when we lose a relationship or when a family member leaves us. In these situations, we may asked" God, where are you? Why do You put me in this situation?"  But if we have faith in God, we know that the same God is in control in the good time just as in control in the tough time. God will direct the winds of the storm to blow you where He wants you to go.

And so, 3 weeks later, I say " I am doing good" and I mean it.

Stay in faith. I know this storm is blowing me to my destiny.